帮我看看这篇英语作文有什么错误以及不妥,Thanks

帮我看看这篇英语作文有什么错误以及不妥,Thanks
帮我看看这篇英语作文有什么错误以及不妥,Thanks

帮我看看这篇英语作文有什么错误以及不妥,Thanks
Over the past couple of years, mounting number of museums which offer a free admissions (加to visitors) have emeraged all over our country. The news is desirable as well as(改为while, as well as 后面不跟从句) its aim is crytal clear. Nowadays, more and more young folks with great passion are always obliged to stop on the verge of the museum door for (加some) economical factor. This gives rise to the necessity of the free-admission museums emeraging, which naturally cater to the curiosity of these young visitors.
这段语法问题不大,免费开放的目的讲得较为肤浅,我认为满足年轻参观者的好奇心是表面的目的,最主要是博物馆本身集文化、各种知识、经验于一身的知识殿堂,应该起到其应有的社会作用,如果参观者人数下降,对于它的文化传承功能是极大的损害,这一点没有谈到!
However, free admission to museums might lead to some social problems as well. On one hand, free admissions might give rise to the increasing economical burden of the
government. （断句） On the other hand, free admissions （为什么要admissions?）attracts too many visitors, which impede（改为impedes,三单,主语是这件事） the presevation of these cultural heritages to a great extent (加for these musems). According to the (a比较好,一位,馆长很多,不特指的吧）museum curator, some parents even allowed their children to use a missile boat as a slide (这句话的意思不太懂).
In my opinion, just as every coin has two sides,so(so去掉,as表示原因,后面不用so） we should have a rational atitude towards the shortcoming of free admissions（改为towards the free admission offered by meseums这件事比较好,而不是对其缺点,合理看待此事不是此事的缺点）, because, after all（两句并一句,用原因从句）, in free admissions （去掉）its advantages outweigh its disadvantage（加s）. Anyway it is improper to forbid the meaalsure's(什么?） prevalence, for I believe firmly that a basic familiarity with（basic/familiarity不要连用基本的熟悉度?改为基本常识 commen sense of或 basic knowledge of基本了解） culture and history will surely become an indispensable part of stepping into society.（最后一句你想表达：拥有文化历史的基本知识是步入社会不可缺少的一部分?很奇怪的意思表达.一般来说,没有基本的文化历史的知识,很难称之为合格的国人,更无须谈对这些遗产的继承和发扬光大了,应该这么表达）到此文章其实并没有结束,你这句话表达完与博物馆免费开放有什么关系?最终要再小结,画龙点晴一下!